Monday, December 19, 2005

For years, I had thought that PETA was this benign, benevolent group out to spread the word about the ethical treatment of animals.

Then I saw this story on CNN. And I read more about it on this website. At first I thought this was a lot of radical right-wing propaganda, yet CNN can hardly be called a right-wing network. Their story is compelling.

PETA employees killed cats almost immediately after taking them off the hands of a veternarian, throwing their lifeless bodies into a dumpster. They had "euthanized" them before attempting to find the cats a home.

It's official now: I hate humans. I hate them all.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Calypso has an ongoing, gooey hair problem. For reasons I can only assume are related to her modest girth and inability to reach certain areas of her body, she gets quite matted on the lower part of her back, something I thought was unusual for a short-hair.

To make matters worse, Calypso has never liked being picked up. If I attempt to do so, she curls up tightly like a giant pillbug. This makes trying to brush the hair out a particular challenge. I usually sneak up on her while she's sleeping, armed with a wire brush. I'll wrap an arm around her while using my free hand to stroke the nasty matted knots from her back.

The defiant chirping noises Calypso makes as I brush are quite pitiful, and if I spend too much time working out the matted hair, she'll attempt to swipe, hiss and writhe her way out of my evil clutches.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Katherine: You mind if I ask you a question?

Mike: Sure...I mean no...ask away.

Katherine: You seem a bit down these last few months. You're not your usual self.

Mike: That's not a question, Katherine.

Katherine: Right, right...I'm getting to that. It's just that I've never really seen you like this before. And...

Mike: Yes?

Katherine: You used to treat Calypso and I to tuna at least once a month. But in the past five months, we've only seen a couple cans.

Mike: Well, I...

Calypso: Did someone call my name?

Mike and Katherine: No.

Calypso: Well...excuse me!

Katherine: I'm trying to get some of those answers we talked about, Calypso.

Calypso: Ohhh. The tuna shortage?

Katherine: The tuna shortage.

Mike: Well, don't take it personally, you guys. You're right: I haven't been myself since about the end of January.

Katherine: What happened?

Mike: Well, my life inexplicably changed. I suddenly started to feel sick.

Calypso: Did you eat a bug? I get kind of nauseous if I eat them. Sometimes when I'm roaming around the basement at night I find these...

Mike: No, I didn't eat a bug. Actually, I'm not exactly sure what has happened.

Katherine: Well, can't you see a doctor?

Mike: I've been to several. They don't have any answers for me.

Calypso: What part of you is sick? Are you getting better? It's been a long time!

Mike: I'm gradually feeling better, but some things about me have changed.

Katherine: Like what?

Mike: I've lost most of my sense of taste and smell.

Katherine: What?! Well, that's terrible!

Calypso: Will it come back?

Mike: No one knows. It may return, or it may be permanent. It's one of the reasons why I haven't been popping open cans of tuna much for you lately. I can't smell it very well and so it doesn't taste very good.

Katherine: Did we do it, Mike? Are you allergic to us?

Mike: No, Katherine; it has nothing to do with you or Calypso. We've been together for more than eight years (six years for Calypso), and I've never had a problem.

Katherine: I don't know what to say, Mike. That seems like it would be hard to handle. I couldn't imagine not being able to taste my food, especially tuna.

Mike: It hasn't been fun, no. I'm sorry if I've not been myself around you lately. I'm slowly getting accustomed to my new handicap. I'll adapt.

Calypso: Don't give up hope, Mike! If I can learn to live with Katherine all these years, anything is possible.

Katherine: Ditto, Calypso...ditto.

Mike: Thanks, cats. Now, who's ready for some tuna?