I awoke to an odor most foul this morning. When I got out of bed, I soon discovered the source. Kat had pooped on the bedroom floor, near my computer desk. A quick glance at my closed bedroom door told me why -she had no way of getting to her litter box overnight. After cleaning up the mess, cursing myself aloud, I soon discovered a second mess behind my computer desk. I grumbled something about mixing Draino in with Kat's food and left for work in an angry haze.

Thursday, August 7

She did it again. This time the bedroom door had been left opened, allowing Kat easy access to her litter box, but she decided to poop on the floor again anyway -what the hell, it's much more convenient this way, right? Now I don't know what to do. Kat has now "learned" to poop near my computer desk, thanks to my oversight the other night when I had inadvertently locked Kat in the bedroom with me. I've decided the best way to remedy this is to bar her from entering my bedroom for a couple days. I will keep the bedroom door closed while I'm at work as well. My fear is that instead of this action teaching her to use her litter box exclusively, she will either start pooping in front of my bedroom door or will scratch a hole through the carpet trying to claw her way in. In any case, it will be nice not to have her bothering me while I use the computer. Her constant pawing at the keyboard and monitor was cute at first, but it's starting to annoy the hell out of me.

Friday, August 8

No poop this time, since I haven't given her the opportunity. The bedroom door has remained closed and she has returned to her litter box for now. Someone suggested buying a can of cat repellent most pet stores carry. I had never heard of such a thing, but it's worth a try.

Saturday, August 9

I bought the cat repellent today, and I must say I'm quite impressed by it. Specifically, I'm impressed how effective it is of repelling me. Regardless of its atrocious odor, it does seem to work on Kat as well. I simply sprayed a little bit in the area she liked to poop on, and she suddenly became disinterested --downright repulsed-- by the idea of ever pooping in my bedroom again, but I guess the real test will be tonight, the first night she'll be allowed to sleep there in two nights.

Sunday, August 10

Success! Kat seems to have been swayed from the pooping in my bedroom. I have noticed, however, that Kat is still interested in the spot after the repellent has worn off, which usually is about 12 hours. If I slip up and forget to spray the area, I fear she'll return to old habits.

I also noticed that Kat has a small sore just underneath her chin. I had originally noticed a raw patch there when I first got her, and shrugged it off to being something she had done while caged. But now it appears as if it is getting worse. It is a small circular scab I fear might be an allergic reaction to her plastic food dish. Her next vet appointment is Saturday.

Monday, August 11

Kat had free reign over my bedroom today while I was at work, and still no stinky momentos for me to clean up. I hesitate to say my problem is solved, so I won't. I wish she'd do something about her smelly butt. I thought cats were clean animals! Although the thought of her placing her tongue in that region evokes retching sensations, I wish Kat would lick her ass clean. Peew!

Tuesday, August 12

I was pleasantly surprised tonight when I came home around midnight. I had been out with friends from work and expected the worst from my cat, but discovered she had behaved. I bought her some new dry cat food, shampoo and some wet cat food that I'm told will clear up what I suspect might be dry skin, as she is now starting to scratch herself consistently. I checked for fleas and didn't see any, so hopefully the wet food will help her skin.

Wednesday, August 13

I couldn't stand the smell of Kat's poopy bum, so I bought some shampoo and cleaned her up a bit. She smells much nicer now but I don't know how long that will last. Why did I have to pick the one cat out of a million that's a total slob?

Thursday, August 14

Nothing peculiar today except that my cat is pretty viscious when it comes to play time. Her favorite game is "Rip Mike's Arm To Shreds In The Morning." She pounces on my arm, wraps her front paws around it, biting and kicking the whole time. I got her back later when I dumped some water on her while I was shaving.

Saturday, August 16

I came home late from Maria's new apartment to find Kat ready to play. At 1:15 a.m., I was less than enthusiastic to appease her, so I mistakenly went off to bed, where she proceeded to keep me awake until about 6 a.m., constantly jumping and scratching at me or at my closet door. I sprayed some cat repellent on the door, but Kat simply chose a different part of the wall to scratch at instead.

Sunday, August 17

Kat is really beginning to piss me off. I came home around 9:30 to find that Kat had chewed completely through the microphone cord plugged into my computer speakers. Now she's getting personal. She had tricked me by being good for a couple days, only to wreck havoc soon after. I've been having wicked thoughts of inflicting harm on my cat that I'm afraid I may act on soon. Yes, it's time to buy a squirt gun and try a little Chinese water torture. I can't wait!

Wednesday, August 20

She did it again. Kat used the corner of my bedroom as a toilet for the fourth time --this morning she urinated a small amount before I realized what she was doing and scooted her away. The cat repellent had worn off, inviting her curiosity. I think I may try the vinegar suggestion someone offered.

I bought the squirt gun after work this evening. What fun! I can't wait for Kat to do something naughty so I can...oh what the hell, come here, Kat! Ah, the equalizer has arrived.

Friday, August 22

The squirt gun has proven to be enormously effective. I am fortunate that my cat is not one to appreciate water. I ran out of cat repellent spray this morning, so I had to go to the store and stock up. I hope that eventually I won't even need to spray the area anymore. Just in case she still finds interest in the corner of my bedroom to do her pooping, I also bought a bottle of white vinegar and will clean the spot once again.

Saturday, August 23

Today was Kat's scheduled visit to the vet, and I'm sure she knew it. When I told her she was coming with me, she gave me a very strange expression, which I fortunately captured on film (left). She then proceeded to hide underneath the futon in a futile effort to escape.

When we arrived at the vet, the doctor weighed her and noted that she had gained over a pound since her last visit two weeks ago. This now makes her 3.5 pounds, still underweight according the doc. Kat received two shots --she hates shots. The first effort by the vet to administer the vaccine ended in a broken needle and an indignant howl from Kat, which prompted the vet to take her to the "back room" where I imagined they latched her up with little kitty shackles to do their evil bidding. When Kat came back, she was clearly angry by the violation and wouldn't even let me pet her. The good thing was the vaccines made her sleep well into the evening.

Friday, October 17

Yesterday I took Kat to the vet to be spayed. She had to be kept overnight for observation as is usually the case for these surgeries. When I picked her up this afternoon, she appeared slightly emaciated but still alert. Kat was clearly glad to see me, although anyone who could break her out of the kitty slammer would probably get the same reaction. The only evidence that anything had been done to her was a shaved area between her hind legs where they had made the four-inch incision. Four threads poked out of the area where she'd been sutured. In a week or so I have to return to the vet to have them removed.

Although I know the benefits of having a pet spayed or neutured greatly outweigh the drawbacks, I can't help but feel guilty for having put Kat through this ordeal. I try to imagine how I'd feel if, at six years of age, my Mom decided to take me to the hospital where they would surgically remove my testicles. I'm sure such an act would have eliminated the frustration I now feel in the romantic category of my life, but the thought of someone removing a part of me that in some way influences my personality is a bit disconcerting. I basically let the vet do a kitty hysterectomy. And what if her personality has now changed? Will it not be like owning an entirely different cat? If Kat loses her spunk because of this, I'll have a hard time forgiving myself.

Saturday, November 8

I bought Kat a "kitty garage" this afternoon, but I must admit it's more for myself. The garage is nothing more than a litter box with a top over it and an opening in front from which Kat can gain access to do her deeds. The top has a filter and has already dramatically reduced the odor in the apartment. Kat seemed semi-impressed by the jumbo-sized box, showing her appreciation with a stern kitty nod and a few paw-swipes at the already-soiled litter. I give her two days before she jumps on top of the garage and tears the filter to shreds.

Monday, November 10

Kat and I play what I consider a very unusual game I call "predator-prey." I will slowly move toward her in a stalking fashion, then suddenly chase her around the apartment. Seconds later, the roles are reversed and Kat begins chasing after me, lightly and playfully pouncing at my passing legs. The frequent episodes, which last anywhere from 5-20 minutes depending on how pooped we get, remind me of the scene in "Dances With Wolves," in which the wolf and Kevin Costner chase each other around playfully. The difference, of course, is that Kevin Costner is just so damn butt-ugly.

Unfortunately, my roughhousing has helped make Kat rather aggressive during playtime. It's not uncommon for me to be bleeding in a few areas before it's all over, but it's never something she intentionally does. I pity any guests I decide to have over in the near future, though.

PS -the garage filter remains intact, much to my surprise.

Wednesday, November 12

Kat's really getting on my nerves of late. She's chewed off the plastic ends of my shoestrings so that they are now frayed, and she repeatedly scratches at my bedroom closet door --not to get in, because sometimes I'll leave the door open, but to get my attention, which she knows she'll get at 6:30 am when she's tired of watching her master sleep peacefully and soundfully. She knows that I always go for the squirt gun when she scratches at the door, and she usually leaps gleefully away before I can aim the gun at her. When I put the gun down and try to go back to sleep, she's back at the door, clawing away frantically. Arrrrrrgh!

Saturday, November 16

Whoa! Stinky cat! I've got to change Kat's food. She has forgotten more about farting than I will ever know in a lifetime. I'm thinking about renaming her "Stinky" until I can find a cat food that doesn't smell awful on either end. It's pretty bad when I can hear her letting loose every time she jumps or lands. At night I can tell Kat's on the bed with one inhale of that pungent, putrid fog of poopiness wafting around her. Ick!

Saturday, November 21

I've been noticing lately that, as it gets colder in my apartment this winter, Kat has gravitated towards obviously warm areas: she likes to sit on top of my monitor and doze there as the heat radiates through the vents. She also has discovered that the cable box on top of my TV is exceptionally warm, so she'll curl her entire body in such a way that it fits completely on the box. Isn't that cute? I need a Tylenol.

Saturday, December 13

I tried to use the bedroom phone today, but something was wrong: no dialtone. I pressed the receiver button a few times --still nothing. Finally, I noticed the cord chewed cleanly in two. Thanks, Kat. I didn't really like that phone anyway...